A life of loss (2nd draft)

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
Falling forward out of childhood’s dreams.
Graffiti peppered bridges mark the path into the green past,
And memory of Megan,
Forever young and beautiful in my soul –
Despite evidence of one uncomfortable Sunday afternoon
Some years past – exists, and is whole

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
Who knew me by some other name, if at all,
And whom I know in memory alone –
Swaying on the verge of my consciousness,
Remembrance shrunken with the years –
In ethereal wandering of new beginnings,
And still newer endings marked by tears

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
Walking tall amongst decay
Which isolated us in warm friendship –
A friendship only cooled with the many miles apart.
The temperature rising at the thought of meeting
As the northward car races up the jeweled Newell
And once more- your simple smile of greeting

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
Lying in baking sun – poolside –
Whilst strangely,
The largest pool in the whole-wide world
Is just a short walk away,
And I would never leave your side
For it’s shallow blue beauty on this first day

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
Now leaping from still Pacific
And falling on hard, moist sand
You lie still and soak up sun’s warmth from beneath
As I, narrow hipped, slim and bony of feet,
Stand above and let salt water drain
As I soak up your radiated heat

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
Staying awake when shouldn’t have,
Laughing aloud whilst silence sufficed,
Your long lithe limbs –
Grace of movement in one take –
Seared for all eternity in my mind
When no move we can make

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
Coconut oil glistens on bare back.
I see the look of grown men
And am mad – or is it sad –
Whatever it is, I know,
And can see, like some blind prophet,
What surely must follow

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
Lying side by side,
Staring up at stars from rooftop
We talk of futures past,
And histories to come,
I admire your smooth brown belly
Never for a minute seeing it round with son
Brown haired, green-eyed girl,

The barbecue is underway 6 floors below,
You are showering and I sip cold coke.
Alone we two, I fight against will but fail – again –
And look through gap in door
Seeing you hairless, tender of breast –
Friends we can never remain. Oh how I’m sorry

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
Whirling through sun drenched Fun Park
No cloud in the bright summer sky,
We toast to the future with our ice creams held high,
Turning to face away from the sun’s retreat
It is only I who notices the drips,
Drops of sweetness plunging to the baking concrete at our feet

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
A photograph is taken –
Though it has been lost to me –
I know we stand side by side in the sun.
Singing softly I sense your pain
Your big family moving – again ­–
Mine splintering and insane

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
Strolling along the golden beach
Counting the ‘white pointers’
And talking endlessly though it of course ended
With the drift apart of years –
A final walk, one last true talk –
Ended because of gender and stray, inconsolable tears

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
The car door slams shut on second summer
Siege has ended, storm will come.
Looking out the front window
I sum up our existence and cherish it
Through the back window
I look for your simple smile – but you’re gone so I just sit

Brown haired, green-eyed girl,
Staring down on golden coast of boyhood
As I fly above, heading north sixteen years later.
Wondering if you’re down there,
And if you remember me without the years taking their toll,
As I can never forget you,
Because you exist, and are whole